Open up your mind and say, ahh...

This is the first in a series based on leadership lessons I’ve learned from since publishing Good Boss, Bad Boss.

Good Boss, Bad Boss presents evidence that we humans are often blind to our weaknesses and giving people power amplifies this tendency: We become more focused on our own needs and wants, less focused on others, and act like the rules apply to others and not to us. Alas, recent developments suggest that staying in tune with the people you oversee is even more difficult than this book suggests. And the other disturbing effects of wielding power over others are even worse than I thought.

This unfortunate conclusion is fueled by research showing that when people secure just a little power over others, they are prone to dehumanize them–treat them in more distant, cold, and rational ways–as means to an end, not as feeling and sensitive human beings. In one study, research subjects who pretended to be senior surgeons (compared to those pretending to be nurses or junior surgeons) recommended a more painful procedure for a hypothetical 56-year-old patient and rated him as less sensitive and more passive. Another study found that people who feel powerful become less upset and feel less compassionate when talking to someone who has suffered a trauma (e.g., a close friend diagnosed with a terminal illness). Other studies show that power turns people into hypocrites. One found that (compared with the powerless) the powerful condemned others’ cheating more, yet cheated more themselves.

I could go on and on. Although Good Boss, Bad Boss was published less than two years ago, there is even stronger evidence now that if you wield authority over others, it dulls your ability to be in tune with their needs, feelings, and actions and what it’s like to work for you. Good Boss, Bad Boss proposes numerous antidotes. Among the most effective is to give the people you lead the permission and responsibility to tell you when you are out of touch or full of yourself–and to develop mentors and friends who will tell you the ugly truth as well. In this vein, my Stanford colleague Hayagreeva Rao–a most creative researcher–hypothesizes that bosses who still are married to their first spouses (rather than a “trophy” husband or wife) and have teenage children are less prone to such delusions, because no matter how much their underlings kiss up to them, the people at home don’t hesitate to bring them down a notch when required.

My conclusions that clueless and power-poisoned bosses do more damage than I thought are further fueled by the antics of CEOs and politicians. Donald Trump is one of my least favorite bosses. He seems to take pride in grabbing all the goodies and attention for himself, in humiliating others, and by twisting or ignoring inconvenient facts, all while believing he is widely beloved and admired. Former New York congressman Anthony Weiner handily demonstrated the lack of inhibition and impulse control that plague powerful people by texting pictures of his penis to a stranger. According to The New York Times, Weiner also suffered other, more mundane, signs of power poisoning: requiring staff to be in email contact at all times, yelling at them, and physically abusing office furniture now and then. He had one of the highest staff turnover rates in Congress–burning through three chiefs of staff during one 18-month stretch.

Most readers will have their own favorite examples of clueless and insensitive leadership. For me, one of the most troubling and revealing was the complaint uttered by then BP CEO Tony Hayward that “I’d like my life back” after the deadly Deepwater Horizon explosion and resulting oil spill. Although Hayward was heavily coached to be sensitive, was trying to placate the public, and by some accounts was a competent and caring boss, his slip shows how power can still obliterate self-control and empathy.

Finally, my conclusions are bolstered by watching powerful people act like jerks while or just after I present them with evidence about power poisoning and the toxic tandem. I experienced at least 10 such incidents in recent years. Consider this one: I ran a workshop for the top 50 or so executives of a large and profitable firm. Their ability to “fight as if they were right and to listen as if they were wrong” was exemplary for the first 30 minutes or so–until the CEO walked in (everyone else had been on time). He did so as I was explaining the effects of the “toxic tandem”: if you are the boss, followers are watching you closer than you are watching them.

I then showed how being powerful can trigger selfishness, lack of inhibition, and loss of impulse control. The CEO laughed loudly at the studies and stories I told. Then, over the next 90 minutes, he interrupted colleagues (and me) repeatedly in midsentence, dismissed points he disagreed with as “naïve” and “idiotic,” openly questioned the competence of several members of his team, made nasty comments about their personal appearance (telling one she was too short and another he needed to lose weight), and when he wasn’t talking, he focused on his BlackBerry. He answered phone calls perhaps three times during the workshop and engaged in one loudly whispered three-minute call as I tried to present. When the workshop ended, the boss thanked me and bragged about how lucky his people were because he had listened so well, encouraged them to argue with him, and treated them with respect! That guy was living in a fool’s paradise, and everyone in the room knew it–except him.

Yes, this is an extreme case. But this CEO’s lack of self-awareness is something I’ve witnessed repeatedly. And that growing pile of research implies that such delusions become even more pronounced when events unfold that make bosses feel even more powerful.

If you are a boss, you are especially at risk if you are getting increased attention and praise, enjoying a hefty pay increase or lavish new trappings, or if your people have been performing especially well lately. There are advantages to feeling powerful; there is evidence that it prompts people to be more action oriented.

But if you are so clueless that you don’t know what motivates your followers and don’t know the nuances of their skills, if you’re such a jerk that your people keep calling in sick and your best people keep leaving, just being action oriented won’t do you or your organization much good.

Image: Flickr user Gage Skidmore

It’s easy to talk about your job with lots of people, except your boss.

We talk to our employer differently than almost anybody else, and for some very good reasons–reasons that keep groceries coming and careers advancing. Even when the problem itself seems obvious, talking to a boss about it makes it seem complex. Here are a few strategies we’ve gathered from experts on managerial and corporate relations.

What follows are a few common questions, phrased the way they might sound in your head, but which you should not actually say or write.

“You ask me questions, make little observations, and distract me eight hours each day, unless you take lunch. I need time to actually, you know, work.”

This is a common issue, especially with newly minted bosses, says Lynn Taylor, the author of Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant. Two of the chapters in the book are about this very issue–one is about “endless questioning,” the other “neediness.” It might seem like nervous butt-covering, but there’s usually an undercurrent of asserting new authority. “The theme is, ‘You work for me, therefore I can ask you questions at any time,’” Taylor says.

Newer bosses tend not to trust the people they’re bugging regularly. The solution, Taylor suggests, comes in controlling the over-sharing you’ll have to do to get their trust. Email or message when you’re starting new phases of projects, and set up a schedule of letting your boss know where you’re at. Set up meetings to answer a few different questions, where you’ll have documents and answers on hand. Do everything you can to let your boss know that you’ll let them know where you’re at in your work, and their scattergun questioning should subside.

“It’s not unlike dealing with a toddler,” says Taylor. “You need to be a beacon of calm, and not let them create stop-the-presses situations.”

“You change our ‘focus’ every week and turn on a dime whenever you get a new opinion. Don’t they pay you to make decisions?”

In this economic climate, indecisive managers are likely to be even more indecisive, says Katherine Crowley, a psychologist and cofounder of the workplace consultancy K Squared Enterprises and coauthor of Working For You Isn’t Working For Me. “We call this person the ‘rule changer,’” she says. The trouble is that most organized, smart people will try to pin this person down, “but that’s going to lead to more frustration when they change again.”

“You have to keep checking in, but you’ll get better at reading your boss as you do that more consistently,” says executive coach Kathi Elster, the other half of K Squared. “And they’ll get better at making decisions, as they know their employees are following them.”

“Another coping tactic is to bring statistics to support the decision you want them to make,” Crowley says. “But when they side with you, don’t rush to take credit, or act surprised, sarcastically or otherwise.”

Elster concurs: “It’s always a good strategy to let your boss take credit for making a decision, even if you pushed it. Allow them to look affirmative to their higher-ups, and you’ll benefit.”

“I feel like the unique work I do isn’t really noticed because other people here are simply louder–or because you’re taking credit.”

Taylor suggests that documentation and quick response are key if you believe some credit-stealing goes beyond accidental. It starts, most often, when there’s a “Muddy territorial problem that often happens on projects.” If you write down what you’re doing and when, and what you’re in charge of on the project, and report it to your boss on a regular basis, it’s harder for someone to snatch up your better efforts.

The same goes for bosses who like to subsume their workers’ ideas and ingenuity. Meet with or write to your boss on a regular basis, and go out of your way to pin down exactly which parts of the job you’re responsible for. If you have to confront them about a slight, always start and end on a positive note, Taylor says (which one former boss of this author called the “compliment-criticism-compliment sandwich”).

In any office situation where you feel a conflict coming, stick to what Taylor calls the CALM method–Communication, Anticipation, Levity, and “Managing up.” (Taylor explained the method in more detail for the Gainsville Times.)

“I honestly can’t fit this extra duty on my plate right now. Seriously.”

Whether it’s someone’s former duty, or a new task that you know is bigger than your boss realizes (”How about being in charge of our social media?”), the key, according to the K Squared consultants, is carving out a piece and tackling at least that.

“I think you should be able to say that you’re eager about this project, and that you can take a piece of it, but not all of it,” Elster says. “Say that if you can get your other work done faster, you might be able to take more.”

“Or say that you’d be happy to be teamed up with someone else to tackle this,” Crowley said.

“You could say that you see a way to work it into your schedule in two weeks … if that sticks, then you have some time to assess what the job really means, and report back,” Elster says.

“I just can’t talk to you, period.”

All the consultants quoted here emphasized the importance of knowing yourself, and testing that knowledge. Use your best means of communication when it really matters, whether that’s an email, a one-on-one meeting, or having presentation-quality materials ready to make your case. But it’s just as important to know how you generally relate to authority.

Elster and Crowley offered up a sample chapter from Working for You Isn’t Working for Me that quizzes the reader on the “baggage” they carry from previous bosses. If you’re generally intimidated by speaking for yourself and making your case, getting public speaking training, such as offered by Toastmasters International, can help. And Taylor suggests that taking a step back to assess what your boss needs to succeed, and working in your spare moments to fill in the gaps, is a big part of “managing up.”

But no strategy or self-awareness can help you if your boss has an entirely different view on what’s important.

“If you can’t deliver for your boss, and you can’t enjoy your job while doing so, and nothing you do makes you look good, you have to decide if this is really a job you can do at all,” Taylor says. “That’s a hard decision to make.”

Thumbnail and Image Provided by Shutterstock

Dorothy Parker said, “I hate writing. I like having written.” I know many people who are like that about their business, their trade. I know many more people who love to fantasize about what life will be like when they make it, but they like to skip over the part with the hard work, or they give it a sentence or two.

Here’s a hint: the work part is what brings the money part.

This is the most important decision in your career (or even your day).

It didn’t used to be. What next used to be a question answered by your boss or your clients.

With so many opportunities and so many constraints, successfully picking what to do next is your moment of highest leverage. It deserves more time and attention than most people give it.

If you’re not willing to face the abyss of choice, you will almost certainly not spend enough time dancing with opportunity.

One of the characteristics of the industrial age was the reliance on external motivation.

Go to work on time or the boss will be angry.

Work extra hard and the boss will give you a promotion.

If you get paid to work piecework, then your paycheck goes up when you work harder.

This mindset is captured by the Vince Lombardi/pro sports/college sports model of the coach as king. Of course we’ll have our non-profit universitiess pay a football coach a million or more a year, of course we need these icons at the helm–how else will we get our players to perform at their best?

I was struck by a photo I saw of male fencers at Cornell who practice with the women’s fencing team. Clearly, they’re not allowed to compete in matches (though the university counts them for Title XIV). I got to thinking about what motivates these fencers. Are they doing it because they’re afraid of the coach or getting cut? Would they fence better if they were?

The nature of our new economic system, that one that doesn’t support predictable factory work, is that external motivation is far less useful. If you’re looking for a big payday, you won’t find it right away. If you’re depending on cheers and thank yous from your Twitter followers, you’re looking at a very bumpy ride.

In fact, the world is more and more aligned in favor of those who find motivation inside, who would do what they do even if it wasn’t their job. As jobs turn into projects, the leaders we need are those that relish the project, that jump at the chance to push themselves harder than any coach ever could.

We train kids to deal with teachers in a certain way: Find out what they want, and do that, just barely, because there are other things to work on. Figure out how to say back exactly what they want to hear, with the least amount of effort, and you are a ‘good student.’

We train employees to deal with bosses in a certain way: Find out what they want, and do that, just barely, because there are other things to do. Figure out how to do exactly what they want, with the least amount of effort, and the last risk of failure and you are a ‘good worker.’

The attitude of minimize is a matter of self-preservation. Raise the bar, the thinking goes, and the boss will work you harder and harder. Take initiative and you might fail, leading to a reprimand or termination (think about that word for a second… pretty frightening).

The linchpin, of course, can’t abide the attitude of minimize. It leaves no room for real growth and certainly doesn’t permit an individual to become irreplaceable.

If your boss is seen as a librarian, she becomes a resource, not a limit. If you view the people you work with as coaches, and your job as a platform, it can transform what you do each day, starting right now. “My boss won’t let me,” doesn’t deserve to be in your vocabulary. Instead, it can become, “I don’t want to do that because it’s not worth the time/resources.” (Or better, it can become, “go!”)

The opportunity of our age is to get out of this boss as teacher as taskmaster as limiter mindset. We need more from you than that.

Not Labor with a capital L, as in organized labor unions. I mean labor as in skilled workers solving interesting problems. I mean craftspeople who use their hands, their backs and their heads to do important work.

Labor was a key part of the manufacturing revolution. Industrlalists needed smart, dedicated, trained laborers to solve interesting problems. Putting things together took more than pressing a few buttons, it took initiative and skill and care. Labor improvised.

It took thirteen years to build the Brooklyn Bridge and more than twenty-five laborers died during its construction. There was not a systematic manual to follow. The people who built it largely figured it out as they went.

The Singer sewing machine, one of the most complex devices of its century, had each piece fitted by hand by skilled laborers.

Sometime after this, once Henry Ford ironed out that whole assembly line thing, things changed. Factories got far more complex and there was less room for improvisation as things scaled.

The boss said, “do what I say. Exactly what I say.”

Amazingly, labor said something similar. They said to the boss, “tell us exactly what to do.” In many cases, work rules were instituted, flexibility went away and labor insisted on doing exactly what they had agreed to do, no more, no less. At the time, this probably felt like power. Now we know what a mistake it was.

In a world where labor does exactly what it’s told to do, it will be devalued. Obedience is easily replaced, and thus one worker is as good as another. And devalued labor will be replaced by machines or cheaper alternatives. We say we want insightful and brilliant teachers, but then we insist they do their labor precisely according to a manual invented by a committee…

Companies that race to the bottom in terms of the skill or cost of their labor end up with nothing but low margins. The few companies that are able to race to the top, that can challenge workers to bring their whole selves–their human selves–to work, on the other hand, can earn stability and growth and margins. Improvisation still matters if you set out to solve interesting problems.

The future of labor isn’t in less education, less OSHA and more power to the boss. The future of labor belongs to enlightened, passionate people on both sides of the plant, people who want to do work that matters.

That’s what Labor Day is about, not the end of a month on the beach.

I always took the position that my boss (when I had a job) worked for me. My job was to do the thing I was hired to do, and my boss had assets that could help me do the job better. His job, then, was to figure out how best give me access to the people, systems and resources that would allow me to do my job the best possible way.

Of course, that also means that the people I hire are in charge as well. My job isn’t to tell them what to do, my job is for them to tell me what to do to allow them to keep their promise of delivering great work.

If you go into work on Monday with a list of things for your boss to do for you (she works for you, remember?) what would it say? What happens if you say to the people you hired, “I work for you, what’s next on my agenda to support you and help make your numbers go up?”

By Seth Godin: http://sethgodin.typepad.com